OI people fucking give it a rest bloody media types....

The last few days I've found myself getting frustrated as someone i care about is being treat like shite in the media for having an opinion.Woe betide you actually have a thought in your head and then dare to extract and articulate it......

Russell Brand wrote a book a very good book. Which i hae actually read from cover to cover. From the reviews i think i may be of the 1% to comment on something that has been read properly....

The other day the #dailyfail on Sunday published a hatchet review which suggested that they read only the acknowledgements properly then skim read the rest for key words they could twist into vitriol. They aren't the only ones though the guardian have been having a 'debate' which has been an excuse for there writers to revert to childish playground insults. Some like the brilliant and engaging Owen Jones have spoke in Russ's defence http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/23/russell-brand-revolution-book-panel-verdict . Then John Crace tried to belittle it by condensing it in simplistic terms focusing on the trivial things in it.... http://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/oct/26/revolution-russell-brand-digested

Then there are the people like Tim Stanley of the telegraph he's more like Flat Stanley who attempted humour that sadly he does not possess....  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/11184105/How-Russell-Brand-would-review-Russell-Brands-book.html His imagining of what Russ would say about his own book is contrived and sad trying to emulate a style of someone with a larger intellect is always going to be shite!

People who don't get the book won't ever get it. Within them entrenched is the establishment. They are part of it or at least aspire to be a part. Anyone who rises above there so-called station has to get brought down I've noticed this with quite a few media outlets.

The media can be good, social media is better i listened to Izabella Kaminska from the FT tonight at the Putney debate i didn't totally agree with her. Yes people use social media to promote goods and services and try to brainwash you but it does good to.

What Russ is doing with the #Trews and his book is getting people involved, that is thanks to social media. I've had messages off people who couldn't hae gave a fuck about social/economical problems or politics before Russ brought it to them in a non-patronising and accessible way.

Thank god for writers like Russell Brand, Owen Jones and Naomi Klein ,the occupiers,the triers the people that just want change. Without the people who don't just accept things and question we'd never move forward....

Fucking mental

The last few days I've been upset as i went to therapy on Wednesday which i fucking hate even though i need to do it. Then on thursday i got my mental assessment through the post a woman who met me for an hour and a half wrote me up like she knew me....

Miss Munro has mood swings she has 3 days of low mood and then 7 days of very high mood. On her low days she won't get out of bed and won't see anybody as she is 'awful' and verbally aggressive. She eats alot and they are the days she's prone to reverting back to alcoholism. When she's in a high mood she hardly sleeps she does dancing and yoga and forgets to eat. She has 'high sexual urges' of which she seeks out random partners.

She has suicidal thoughts and stands over the balcony of her flat wanting to fall. But she knows her gran needs her so doesn't. She's lost a few family members lately and got tearful.

She started psychiatric treatment 5 years ago after a episode of agoraphobia brought on by her now ex boyfriend. She has used prozac in the past which helped but sertaline was no use. She has coping mechanisms like CBT's in place. She has tried to kill herself a few times and has had outpatient treatment for alcohol addiction.

She has had benign lumps removed from her breast and stomach and vomits blood frequently. She has chronic dyspectic symptoms.

She is disorganised yet functioning

Miss Munro is a young women with a history of bipolar disorder with borderline personality traits. She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. but she's been seen out patient for that. Her alcohol consumption worsens with her mood swings and though sober at the moment i can't assess her properly until she's been clean a bit longer as the medication i think she should be on wouldn't work if she was still inclined to drink.

well isn't that nice to read about yourself nae wonder yesterday i was a borderline bitch ;) x

Dating

I'm 32. 33 this year i ain't done the whole thing of going on a date. Only been in love once that lasted 10 years and we didn't go out as such before, we just were. All other people i hae been with are drunken one night stands apart from a girlfriend in college who i cared about. I tried dating on the internet i'm ok behind the keyboard i am articulate and interesting in truth in person i'm a scarred fuck up.

So i went on a date the other day nice lad but i got bored i was glad when i was in the cinema as we couldn't talk. I ain't picky but u should at least be able to hae fun with a person. I hate how i keep getting told u hae to find someone i did and it was shit so sorry people.... my mam want's to be a grandma she nearly was and think thats why she goes on. But not going to get pregnant with a random...

I've never had sex with a man sober it scares me, bad enough i'm on the wagon but to hae someone touch me is something else i love sex but all the memories are from me being drunk . When u go on a date and say u aren't drinking it messes it up as they feel uncomfortable doing so in front of u i think i should just order my angry cat lady box now.... x

Dear Robin...

I am sad that this world brought you down so much as you could no longer be on it. I know that feeling the emptiness of your soul the loneliness when surrounded by people. People say suicide is a cowards way out it's not. My best friends dad killed himself it was before there was a diagnoses for bipolar disorder. He would have manic episodes and he liked them they fuelled his creativity as an artist they became an advantage. But there was the lows that came after the mood swings the self loathing and hatred the belief he didn't belong. The week he killed himself he had the biggest achievement of his career so far, a loving family but none of that mattered as he got lost in his brain he just didn't want to think anymore. My friend said that she knew he loved her and although she missed him with her whole heart he was better now because she knew he was in pain.

I myself have bipolar disorder or as my dad calls it 'moody cow disease' there are days when i can take on the world i am invincible,untouchable i like them days... But with the giddy heights come the crushing lows. The having a nervous breakdown while shopping in sainsburys as you can't remember what cereal it was you wanted to buy. The paranoia that everyone is out to hurt you. You get distrustful everyone is your enemy, you slowly withdraw and don't want to leave the safety of your home.

If you have a mental illness it is hard to explain it to people one of the things i hate the most is if I'm feeling crap people trying to be positive around me. It winds me the fuck up as if there positivity can take away my misery. It don't work like that. When you are low nowt changes that other than your brain. I used to hide when I felt shit pretending i was OK when i was dying inside. You smile and try not to be unpleasant as that isn't wanted in society. Feeling sad is considered a weakness. But every time you push away the feelings of dread and negativity they don't go they linger and pick at you.  Eventually you break.

Robin i'm sorry that you have gone hopefully though people will think more about mental illness because of you. You made so many people happy in your lifetime it's sad that you reached your limit but we all have one.....

RIP Robin hopefully things do get better wherever we are.

love Sarah x

fucking miss you mate x

Dear Aunty Nancy,
I miss you so fucking much after my gran's dementia got worse you were the only person i could talk to. You understood the drinking thing you loved your gin & your murphy's. So you got about me needing rehab and when i went into hospital and if i relapsed you were always there to listen an care. Then we lost uncle john and two months later uncle jim you were so calm throughout it all i wasn't i tried to keep it together and helped you organize the funerals but it was hard on me and i know it was on you. When they took you into the hospital the first time i thought i'd lost you to. But you kept fighting the illness you lasted months after before you got took over at 82 you were an inspiration you were my rock. I love you and always will as you were a mate as well as my great aunt i miss you mate at your cremation we played your fave song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ItROSewzBs you will always be a diamond sweetheart happy birthday.

Love you always sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Revolution

Famous people and singers have been calling for a revolution for years so it is not so strange that Russell Brand is the latest in a long line of pseudo revolutionaries. I always took Russell’s view on revolution as a joke as something he played on. In the radio shows he called for a love revolution which seemed to be an excuse for everyone to get naked and fuck one another.

As time has gone on i’ve realised that he is on to something but not sure what that something is…..or even if he quite knows.

I went to see him the other day at Shoreditch two back to back shows about revolution. Why people want it and try to achieve it. The first showed a taped interview he did with a stanford university lecturer whose name escapes me as i’m writing this and has done since. He was though a bit uncomfortable with russell’s tendancy to talk about the nazi’s even physically pulling away at one point which i think said more about him than russell. He tried to explain how in life we are conditioned to be afraid of not getting a fair deal so we accept quite often a lot less than maybe we should, we settle. He did this by offering russell hazelnuts saying that we are more likely to accept anything we can get rather than fear the loss of what we don’t have. That we as are as a society are mentally conditioned to just take what we are given rather than fighting for more. How we should work together but we tend to descend into a tribal mentality wherein we stick within our groups socially and economically. Russell talked in between the film clips often explaining his thoughts a bit of it was what he had touched on in ‘messiah complex’ is a shave the best thing a man can get? Are apple what they are cracked up to be?.

This could hae become preachy but like he also said he is a slave to the consumer culture to. Mick drives him around in a mercedes, he has a iphone and i pad. Gareth uses a apple mac to edit the trews. And mcdonalds milkshakes are delicious… He also told a story that the press jumped on that he didn’t pay for a train journey. I never used to when i was little and people who have read russell's autobiography will nae this isn’t the 1st time he’s done it. He used this story to show that we aren’t perfect we all do stuff someone might find questionable but does that mean we should just stop living be robotic as we go through life not question just obey? Should we always follow the rules and just accept what we are told? how to dress, how to live? what is acceptable to society and should it matter to u?

There were questions some bird from ideal world i think was trying to get russell to be on there shopping network with the bloke from the shamen,and a student brought up the expense of transendental meditation and whether it should be more accessible to the poor. I think he was trying to take the piss i know that russell has done a lot of work fundraising for the david lynch foundation is he responsible for the expense of it no! People asked questions about housing and the welfare state all i think he answered intelligently.

The 2nd show was a different beast there was a definite shift in energy maybe it was the fact it was the start of a long bank holiday weekend but people didn’t seem as receptive which was a shame as the interview he did was good. What we could hear of it as there were sound problems with Alain de botton was interesting but the stuff he put up on the trews with him was better than the stuff he showed at the podcast record they touched on the media and how they try to keep us down. That we get showed how to be fearful of everything. How we should be in touch with our base instincts that when we lose touch with how we feel in the moment we lose any sense of freedom.

I think there will be a revolution will Russell be our glorious leader? I’m not sure but as Che Guevara said “in the risk of sounding ridiculous let me say that a true revolutionary is guided by a true feeling of love”

Russell has love in abundance maybe his love revolution was nearer the mark than this new one he’s trying out he has a huge heart maybe being a revolutionary is just being aware and caring he does that already….. so maybe he has started something he just needs a plan x

Never settle if you are in the dark

This is to everyone who is scared of their partner who thinks they would never survive or be able to function after the mental torture you can.

I was with a man for 10 years who hurt me so badly i still get physical effects and the odd mental thing when it comes to sex. If you are easily offended stop reading now as what i’m going to say might be upsetting but i have had msgs off girls who are in bad relationships i can’t tell them what to do but i can explain how i felt in a similar situation what they take from that i hope helps.

You meet someone so charismatic they take the piss out out of your coat i had a long white one on from topshop 1st day at work he said i looked like a lollipop lady and to be honest that thought fleeted across my mind when i bought it. I was working as a dancer and tub girl so one minute i’d be dressed as one of the Jackson five or in a bikini. I liked him instantly he was tall and dark my usual type people who nae me know his job. I don’t want to use this to trash him as he could one day change and become a better man my dad did...but that’s another story! Fuck i’m being longwinded.

Anyway i loved him with every part of my being and he constantly cheated on me he’d get in bed next to me smelling of other girls and i hated it when he touched me as i knew he was dirty the cunt didn’t even shower after. I finally caught him at it in the bosses office where apparently that's where he could do what he wanted with most of my mates to i found out later on...Anyhoo i stupidly loved him so much i would do owt to keep him as i felt so ugly he told me no one else would ever want me as i had put on weight and i was nothing. I did everything he asked to keep the relationship going threesomes even with girls who were prettier than me he told me. I was lucky to be included.

Then i got pregnant and he got really violent he always smacked me and punched me but it was just his temper deep down i thought he only did it because he loved me and wanted me to correct my bad behaviour so i’d be a better person. 

I lost a child from being bad,or so i thought i know now it was him that did it but it did hurt and stay with me i’m healing now 10 yrs on. If anything rings a bell out of this story get away sweethearts don't waste your time it’s precious x