Revolution

Famous people and singers have been calling for a revolution for years so it is not so strange that Russell Brand is the latest in a long line of pseudo revolutionaries. I always took Russell’s view on revolution as a joke as something he played on. In the radio shows he called for a love revolution which seemed to be an excuse for everyone to get naked and fuck one another.

As time has gone on i’ve realised that he is on to something but not sure what that something is…..or even if he quite knows.

I went to see him the other day at Shoreditch two back to back shows about revolution. Why people want it and try to achieve it. The first showed a taped interview he did with a stanford university lecturer whose name escapes me as i’m writing this and has done since. He was though a bit uncomfortable with russell’s tendancy to talk about the nazi’s even physically pulling away at one point which i think said more about him than russell. He tried to explain how in life we are conditioned to be afraid of not getting a fair deal so we accept quite often a lot less than maybe we should, we settle. He did this by offering russell hazelnuts saying that we are more likely to accept anything we can get rather than fear the loss of what we don’t have. That we as are as a society are mentally conditioned to just take what we are given rather than fighting for more. How we should work together but we tend to descend into a tribal mentality wherein we stick within our groups socially and economically. Russell talked in between the film clips often explaining his thoughts a bit of it was what he had touched on in ‘messiah complex’ is a shave the best thing a man can get? Are apple what they are cracked up to be?.

This could hae become preachy but like he also said he is a slave to the consumer culture to. Mick drives him around in a mercedes, he has a iphone and i pad. Gareth uses a apple mac to edit the trews. And mcdonalds milkshakes are delicious… He also told a story that the press jumped on that he didn’t pay for a train journey. I never used to when i was little and people who have read russell's autobiography will nae this isn’t the 1st time he’s done it. He used this story to show that we aren’t perfect we all do stuff someone might find questionable but does that mean we should just stop living be robotic as we go through life not question just obey? Should we always follow the rules and just accept what we are told? how to dress, how to live? what is acceptable to society and should it matter to u?

There were questions some bird from ideal world i think was trying to get russell to be on there shopping network with the bloke from the shamen,and a student brought up the expense of transendental meditation and whether it should be more accessible to the poor. I think he was trying to take the piss i know that russell has done a lot of work fundraising for the david lynch foundation is he responsible for the expense of it no! People asked questions about housing and the welfare state all i think he answered intelligently.

The 2nd show was a different beast there was a definite shift in energy maybe it was the fact it was the start of a long bank holiday weekend but people didn’t seem as receptive which was a shame as the interview he did was good. What we could hear of it as there were sound problems with Alain de botton was interesting but the stuff he put up on the trews with him was better than the stuff he showed at the podcast record they touched on the media and how they try to keep us down. That we get showed how to be fearful of everything. How we should be in touch with our base instincts that when we lose touch with how we feel in the moment we lose any sense of freedom.

I think there will be a revolution will Russell be our glorious leader? I’m not sure but as Che Guevara said “in the risk of sounding ridiculous let me say that a true revolutionary is guided by a true feeling of love”

Russell has love in abundance maybe his love revolution was nearer the mark than this new one he’s trying out he has a huge heart maybe being a revolutionary is just being aware and caring he does that already….. so maybe he has started something he just needs a plan x

Never settle if you are in the dark

This is to everyone who is scared of their partner who thinks they would never survive or be able to function after the mental torture you can.

I was with a man for 10 years who hurt me so badly i still get physical effects and the odd mental thing when it comes to sex. If you are easily offended stop reading now as what i’m going to say might be upsetting but i have had msgs off girls who are in bad relationships i can’t tell them what to do but i can explain how i felt in a similar situation what they take from that i hope helps.

You meet someone so charismatic they take the piss out out of your coat i had a long white one on from topshop 1st day at work he said i looked like a lollipop lady and to be honest that thought fleeted across my mind when i bought it. I was working as a dancer and tub girl so one minute i’d be dressed as one of the Jackson five or in a bikini. I liked him instantly he was tall and dark my usual type people who nae me know his job. I don’t want to use this to trash him as he could one day change and become a better man my dad did...but that’s another story! Fuck i’m being longwinded.

Anyway i loved him with every part of my being and he constantly cheated on me he’d get in bed next to me smelling of other girls and i hated it when he touched me as i knew he was dirty the cunt didn’t even shower after. I finally caught him at it in the bosses office where apparently that's where he could do what he wanted with most of my mates to i found out later on...Anyhoo i stupidly loved him so much i would do owt to keep him as i felt so ugly he told me no one else would ever want me as i had put on weight and i was nothing. I did everything he asked to keep the relationship going threesomes even with girls who were prettier than me he told me. I was lucky to be included.

Then i got pregnant and he got really violent he always smacked me and punched me but it was just his temper deep down i thought he only did it because he loved me and wanted me to correct my bad behaviour so i’d be a better person. 

I lost a child from being bad,or so i thought i know now it was him that did it but it did hurt and stay with me i’m healing now 10 yrs on. If anything rings a bell out of this story get away sweethearts don't waste your time it’s precious x

Cameron the egg headed twat

Fuck the panic is kicking in, I’m socially awkward and always hae been i was the type of girl who would bunk off school to go and hide in the library to read poetry and Gothic novels. I made up for it later life going off the rails with the help of narcotics and drink. Underneath it all i was hurting and felt unloved i had a weird childhood which maybe best to leave for another entry. But tomorrow i’m getting sent on a job centre course and i can’t face it sober. They are all the same they make u stand up in front of people and talk about yourself which makes you think what should i tell them?  I was abused, my last significant relationship was shite, i’m in recovery, i hae bipolar and can be a utter cunt even to those i love?

People usually gan on about there families and there animals which the first i’d rather dodge and the second i’m not capable of haeing yet as i can barely look after myself half the time. Plus if people ask me stuff i have no filter and start letting my inner madness outwards. Probably why i don’t do good in interviews as i just say what first pops into my head. People start asking me questions and i get edgy and this is a compulsory thing i hae to dae or get sanctioned of the job centre. Do you know the job centres hae started targets for getting people sanctioned? I didn’t nae till a lad on another course said it then i saw in my own one a week later they had one of them tally things you dae when you play hangman. We people on benefits are there equivalent of human hangman….We deserve better! The way the people at the bottom are being treat is horrible atos horror stories galore, suicides people being made homeless really Mr Cameron is that what jesus would dae? x 

http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/british-medical-association-urge-your-doctors-to-have-david-cameron-sectioned-under-the-mental-health-acts-1983-and-2007?share_id=wCnYzbKwug&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&fb_source=message

Fuck up's and death

So I'm locked out of my old blog account and I'm wanting to write to get things off my chest and out of my head. On my old blog i explained about my addiction problems if you want to read it here is the link http://immortaldeviant.blogspot.co.uk/.  recently fell off the wagon again quite badly i started off just drinking a bottle of wine again at night to cope with my uncle john dying. I loved the man he died a horrible slow death he had diabetes first he lost one leg then it went to the other and they slowly chopped it off bit by bit. 1st his toe then to the ankle then to the knee. He wasn't getting any better though and when they tested him they found he also had stomach cancer he was a shell of a man and it was horrible to watch him just disintegrate before my eyes. Then there was the fight about his funeral he wanted to be buried and they got him cremated i was so annoyed with everyone i fell out with my dad and sister and I was so very alone.

But I still had my gran even though her dementia is getting worse and my aunt nan who was a kindred spirit someone who never judged me as she'd been there done it all. Her husband my uncle Jim was in a mental hospital and she never missed a day seeing him even though it was miles away from her home. She was a strong lady but my uncle Jim died two months after my uncle john and part of her died to... We then found out she had cancer she didn't want the rest of the family to know but she broke her hip and got took into hospital and it became apparent there was more wrong with her to them all. She only ever wanted to go home to die but she wasn't allowed out of the hospital. 

This selfishly on my part set me drinking heavily again i was functioning just but drinking at least a litre of vodka a day to get me through it. I got worse as she did i even one night scored drugs something i hadn't done since i was in my early twenties.

She died after a horrible long fight but i consoled myself she was going to be with everyone she'd loved and lost. I got through the funeral organised it and made sure it was done the way she wanted unlike my uncle john's one. Then sorted out all her affairs.Then the Monday after i went into hospital for detox I'm still on the drugs to help with withdrawal but fuck do i want a drink. Instead though I'm typing this out to focus my mental mind. Today is day 14 of being sober again each time i hope it will stick but just taking it one day at a time. And one good thing about sorting everything out for my aunt my family are back to speaking to me again i don't want to loose anymore people in my life by death just yet or my own stupidity x