Dear Robin...

I am sad that this world brought you down so much as you could no longer be on it. I know that feeling the emptiness of your soul the loneliness when surrounded by people. People say suicide is a cowards way out it's not. My best friends dad killed himself it was before there was a diagnoses for bipolar disorder. He would have manic episodes and he liked them they fuelled his creativity as an artist they became an advantage. But there was the lows that came after the mood swings the self loathing and hatred the belief he didn't belong. The week he killed himself he had the biggest achievement of his career so far, a loving family but none of that mattered as he got lost in his brain he just didn't want to think anymore. My friend said that she knew he loved her and although she missed him with her whole heart he was better now because she knew he was in pain.

I myself have bipolar disorder or as my dad calls it 'moody cow disease' there are days when i can take on the world i am invincible,untouchable i like them days... But with the giddy heights come the crushing lows. The having a nervous breakdown while shopping in sainsburys as you can't remember what cereal it was you wanted to buy. The paranoia that everyone is out to hurt you. You get distrustful everyone is your enemy, you slowly withdraw and don't want to leave the safety of your home.

If you have a mental illness it is hard to explain it to people one of the things i hate the most is if I'm feeling crap people trying to be positive around me. It winds me the fuck up as if there positivity can take away my misery. It don't work like that. When you are low nowt changes that other than your brain. I used to hide when I felt shit pretending i was OK when i was dying inside. You smile and try not to be unpleasant as that isn't wanted in society. Feeling sad is considered a weakness. But every time you push away the feelings of dread and negativity they don't go they linger and pick at you.  Eventually you break.

Robin i'm sorry that you have gone hopefully though people will think more about mental illness because of you. You made so many people happy in your lifetime it's sad that you reached your limit but we all have one.....

RIP Robin hopefully things do get better wherever we are.

love Sarah x